Relationships need to be invested in. People invest years of their time and huge amounts of emotional energy to maintain their relationships and to keep their marriage intact. When a marriage leads to a divorce, it is common to feel a profound sense of failure.
Most people conflate their marriage with their sense of identity. When their marriage fails, they feel like a failure too. Additionally, many can make the mistake of equating their failing at being a husband or wife as a failure at being a good parent.
While these feelings and conclusions are understandable and common, they simply are not true. The following are some reasons why you should not feel a sense of failure just because you are filing for divorce.
A successful marriage can still end in divorce
Many people define the success of a marriage by its longevity. However, it should not be assumed that a marriage is successful because it lasts for several decades. A successful marriage is one in which both spouses are loving, and grow and flourish through this love. Even if a couple concludes that they are better apart, a marriage can still be considered a successful one.
You are not your relationship
You are many things as an individual, and you are worthy in your own right. You may be a spouse, a parent, an employee and a friend, but none of these things define you. If you are feeling lost as a newly single person, you should try investing your time on things that improve your sense of self-worth, such as spending time with your children, exercising or volunteering.
All successful people experience failure
A failed marriage does not mean that you have failed in life, although it may feel like it when you are in the initial stages of the breakup. All people, and all highly successful people, have had to deal with failure at one point or another. Whether you choose to learn something from this experience is up to you.
Many positive things can come out of a divorce. Gaining back your sense of independence could help you to lead a more fulfilled life. If you are contemplating divorce, you should take action to understand the entire journey.